Today I feel as if I am back to square one.....the day that we got Madi's diagnosis.
I feel like I have come SOOO far in accepting and coming to terms with Down syndrome, but nope, not today. I have been telling myself for the past month and a half that she is just a "baby", a "newborn", they don't do anything anyways. But we are past that point now. She SHOULD be doing something. Smiling or holding her head up, I don't know, something. We have been working with her, doing all the things that Dr. Winders (the PT at the Children's Hospital) has shown us but I NEED to see some results. Something. Yes, she is holding her head better than before and she is getting stronger. But, I need more! I don't know......I am in a funk! And it's not that she is not showing signs of starting to smile. But I need her to bust out in a big ole' grin.
Okay......it is starting to sound like all I am talking about is what I need. And it's not about me....it's about Madi. But, I need something in this whole thing to keep me going, keep me positive. If I am going to stay strong and keep going through all this, I need to see that we are making some progress with her.
I think what is hard is that we have a couple of friends with babies that are similar in age and it is hard to see those babies starting to do something but not see the progress in Madison. I know that you can't compare kids but it is really hard not to. And it is the first time that I am truly starting to see her delays that she is going to experience. And it completely and utterly breaks my heart! I don't want things to be a struggle for her!!
But, thanks to our new friend, Meredith (who also has a child with DS), she has helped me in feeling better about the whole situation.
I just think that this next year is going to be really tough. A lot of good times and joy but also very tough with lots of tears to be shed.
Here's to hoping when we start PT next week that she will give us some hope and encouragement that all the work we do with Madi is paying off.
1 comment:
I don't think Samantha held her head steady for the first 4 months, really. It was SO frustrating, as were all of the other things we just *waited* for her to do (with lots of early intervention, of course). But it all came eventually, when she was ready. :-) Hang in there! There will be good days and bad days, but don't feel guilty for the bad ones - you're allowed to have them whenever you want!!
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